Ok, so this is my Youth group where i am a student leader in. This was a picture taken a couple weeks ago at a local retreat. Well we have youth service every second and fourth friday of each month. So this friday being the fourth friday of the month we had service. It was off to a bad start, i was 20  mins late for taking too long of a nap. But i've been really thinking about stuff lately; and i know when i'm vulnerable is when the enemy tries to put lies through my head. but the message that one of the student leaders brought today really made me think. It was about Jesus and how we are righteous only through him. I remember watching a sermon by Paul Washer ( the sermon is online check my links, must see!!) and him talking about us creating false emotions when the holy spirit doenst come down and when we really are saved. He said that when its real it will last. this made me wonder, why am i constantly, almost monthly, do i find myself "recommitting" my life to Christ? I know of God and i think i know God, but thats not whats important. Paul Washer so briliantly put it , if we were to go up to the white house and went to the gate and told them to let us in because we knew George Bush, they wouldnt let us in. But if George Bush came out and said I know Paul Washer they would ofcourse let us in right away. Its not about us knowing God, its about God knowing us. I cant search for God as if He is the lost one, I must strive for God to find me. The bible talks alot about repentance, and never talks about " the sinners prayer". Jesus never said "pray this prayer and you will be saved", but he said repent and believe. Repentance isn't just stopping a sin, its turning completely around and doing the opposite. I know these things, i know alot of God, but i still dont see it last in my life. Its like a drug or something. I've tried and tried and tried over and over again and everytime ended up in back where i started. If i serve the God of the universe, then why am i stil almost the same person when i came to God. If i have encountered this big and eternal thing, why am i almost unchanged. Im far from perfect. But it makes me think, does God really know me? who have i been serving for alomst 10 years of my life? i cant only pray for mercy upon my soul. its the only thing that will save me. I need to be found by my creator. I need to stop lieing to myself and take the time and examine myself like the bible calls us to do. The sermon i heard tonight talked about how Jesus live in us and thats what God Looks at, without it we are nothing but a sinful creature to God. The bible says that the gate is narrow and so is the road to the gate. are we living on narrow road? how am i different than my "worldly" friends? because i prayed a prayer once in my life? thats not going to save me! " Lord, Lord did we not prophesy in your name? and in your name cast out demons? and i will reply I never knew you be gone from me" matthew chap 7. The road and the gate are narrow, and few will find it. Its biblical for people to be lost. I just pray that God has mercy on me, all my knowledge and mission trips and bible study classes i teach will never amount to my salvation. I dont think im in jeopardy of losing my reward, i think im in jeopardy of but my whole salvation. its not abot losing it though, its about never attaining it. This might be a little strong, but it where i am in my life. Just please pray for mercy on my life. Tha God wil lknow my name on that day of Judgement... God Bless